A note from an inter-office memo: “Dear sir: w/ reference to my above, please refer to my below.”
Slogan of Sr. Pedro’s Lechon Manok: “Once tasted, always wanted.”
In a resort in Rizal: “Not allowed to swim: t-shirt & maong. Allowed to swim: sando & shorts.”
In Vietnam a sign in a resto says: “no pay, no delicious”.
“I’m chicken tired of you!” (dahil para akong manok?)
(from a listener)We were eating squid for dinner and I blurted out, “Guys, who wants my testicles?” (I meant tentacles)
Our boss: “Is Randy is there?”
“When it rains, it’s four!”
In a bus terminal near NAIA: “No outsider allowed inside!”
“So far, so good…so far.”
In our church, pastor Santos was very sick, but all of a sudden, he got better. So the whole church made a banner: “GOD is good. Pastor Santos is better!”
Street sign: “Dumb truck, no entry.”
My brod sa org told us about his English teacher in HS who said angrily: “Simple follow you cannot instruction, how can you graduation?”
Friend: “Wat dat?” Me: “Pare, lagyan mo ng ‘S’.” Friend: “Wat dats?”
We had a dept outing this weekend. The admin sent an email askng for our shoe sizes. It said: “Attendees will be receiving free fleep flaps.”
A boss asked one of his employees: “May I see you pretty soon?” The employee answerd: “Why, don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
In a restaurant I overheard a customer ask: “Do you have a specialty?” The waiter answered: “Sorry sir, we only have iced tea.”
Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko ang only Living Legend na buhay pa!”
During a beach outing, an officemate said, “Tara, let’s go sand-bathing!”
“Well, well, well, look do we have here!”
We once received a message from our scheduler: “I need the death certificates of the following employees: Dennis Cruz, Maryann Fernando, John Aquino.”
Overheard during a dance party. Man: “May I dance?” Woman: “Centerly!”
Taken from a guard’s log book: “Security supervisor visited my post and passed away after five minutes.”
“Ang sakit ng MIND GRAIN ko!”
When my assistant tells a client that she’ll give them feedback, she goes: “Ma’am I’ll feed you back nalang po.”
“Goats’ for sale” and “Goat,s for sale”.
“Keep that bear in mind.”
Actual stuff written in patients’ medical charts in a certain public hostpital: 1. “Discharge status: alive but without permission.” 2. “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” 3. “The patient refused autopsy.” 4. “She is numb from her toes down.”
“I don’t give a dumb!
A letter envelope w/o return address marked: “Guest who?”
When I was applying in a call center I heard the front desk ask one of the applicants: “Are you a walk-in applicant?” He answered: “No, I commute!”
“It’s my alma mother.”
“Once in a bloom.”
At a wedding: “Let’s give them a warm of applause!”
“I second emotion!”
“Ang sakit ng STEEP NECK ko!”
Sign in a tiangge selling bedroom items: “For sale: BED SHIT.”
A sign in a Korean store: “No chewing cum".
In cubao: “This lot not 4 sale. Call 0917…”
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