...the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant
Some of the euphemisms:
1. (from a radio listener)"In our barkada, the term we use for girls who are hot, flirty and bitchy, is “subterranean”. It’s a euphemism for “sarap tirahin yan”.
2. Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking an electronic device for it to work again.
3. He’s not losing hair, he’s gaining face!
4. Tagalog euphemism for panty its “salung-guhit”.
5. I’m not unemployed…I’m a job seeker!
6. When you’re called “BUTTERFACE”, it’s n0t a compliment. It’s short for - “Everything’s pretty BUT HER FACE.”
7. “Taong uy-ay”: Pag nakatalikod, “Uy!” Pag humarap, “Ay…”
8. “PPPP” means, papalapit ng papalapit, papanget ng papanget.
9. When someone asks about work, tell them, “Ayun, CEO pa din sa company namin.” CEO: Common Employee Only.
10. SAMSUNG: SAMa ng mukha, SUNGit pa!
11. PITA - Pain In The Ass.
12. “Jackpot” - Pinay na may boyfriend na foreigner.
13. People with bad breath: “Foot In Mouth”.
14. Hindi siya janitor, sanitary engineer siya.
15. girls with very small boobs: “walanjo”, medium sized: “mejo”, big boobs: “mountain jo”.
16. Sa Pinas, ang “straight acting”, “straight curious”, “straight tripper”, at “swinger”, isa lang ang ibig sabhin: “bakla”.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Quotable qoutes...
1. “The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in the stars, but in ourselves.”
2. “Only lend money you can afford to lose.”
3. Jermaine - This from one of my 0fficemates who hates our supervis0r because he thinks she’s a flirt: “Daig ng kati ang hapdi.”
4. Mike Myers: “I’m afraid that someday the no talent police might just come and arrest me.”
5. “Why would I avoid those who hate me, if I could make their lives miserable just by existing?”
6. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk?” - Albert Einstein
7. “There is no problem so great and complicated that you can’t run away from it.” - Charlie Brown
8. “A successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend, and a successful woman is one who marries such a man.”
9. Melanie Marquez, praising Nikki Valdez for a great production number: “Nikki you’re so galeng! You know, you should go to the States, you will sell hotcakes!”
10. Whirlwind - My father: “Patience is the time it takes for a thing to happen.”
11. Joey - My wife always gets confused between a playstation & a gameboy. One day she called my son to stop playing and come down to eat. She shouted, “Hans, kain na! Tama na yang playboy!” Suffice it to say that I couldn’t breathe laughing.
12. Marie - “My zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Of course he died penniless and single.” - Sex & the City
13. “Kung kaya ng iba…IPAGAWA MO SA KANILA.”
14. Simon Cowell to an AI Contestant: “Your performance was like a date w/ Paula - sweet, but forgettable.”
15. “Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger.” - Michael Gardner
16. Grissom of CSI: “Success is never as sweet as when it’s accompanied by the failure of a friend….”
17. “Don’t get mad, get everything!” - Ivana Trump
18. From One Tree Hill, said by Peyton, Hilarie Burton’s character: “6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls; and sometimes, all you need is 1.”
19. “The good thing about being a pessimist, is that you’re either always proven right, or pleasantly surprised.”
20. Rachel after bumping her head somewhere, telling Monica: “If it’s not against a headboard, it’s not worth it.”
21. “Adversity causes some to break, others to break records.”
22. “When you fall out of love, and you still make a choice to love, that’s the beginning of true love.” - Bo Sanchez
23. “Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.” - Oprah Winfrey
24. “You’ll never know what you have until it’s gone, and once you lose it, you can never get it back…” - snatcher sa Quiapo
25. Erma Bombeck: “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares, why should you?”
26. - Overheard from a drunk in cebu: “I’d like to dedicate this song to myself. I hope I like it.”
27. Michael J. Fox: “One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can’t be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
28. We were preparing for a dinner party. Everyone had their own task. My young cousin from an exclusive high school for girls was tasked to slice onions and tomatoes. When she was done she proudly exclaimed: “Look o, ang cute ng hiwa ko!”
29. Bill Cosby: “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
30. Tom Stoppard: “Democracy is not in the voting, it’s in the counting.”
31. “I like dead end signs - they have the decency to let you know you’re going nowhere.”
32“The best thing to wear during sex, is a wedding ring.”
33. Imelda Marcos: “Never dress down for the poor, they won’t respect you for it. They want their First Lady to look like a million dollars.”
2. “Only lend money you can afford to lose.”
3. Jermaine - This from one of my 0fficemates who hates our supervis0r because he thinks she’s a flirt: “Daig ng kati ang hapdi.”
4. Mike Myers: “I’m afraid that someday the no talent police might just come and arrest me.”
5. “Why would I avoid those who hate me, if I could make their lives miserable just by existing?”
6. “If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk?” - Albert Einstein
7. “There is no problem so great and complicated that you can’t run away from it.” - Charlie Brown
8. “A successful man is one who earns more than his wife can spend, and a successful woman is one who marries such a man.”
9. Melanie Marquez, praising Nikki Valdez for a great production number: “Nikki you’re so galeng! You know, you should go to the States, you will sell hotcakes!”
10. Whirlwind - My father: “Patience is the time it takes for a thing to happen.”
11. Joey - My wife always gets confused between a playstation & a gameboy. One day she called my son to stop playing and come down to eat. She shouted, “Hans, kain na! Tama na yang playboy!” Suffice it to say that I couldn’t breathe laughing.
12. Marie - “My zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. Of course he died penniless and single.” - Sex & the City
13. “Kung kaya ng iba…IPAGAWA MO SA KANILA.”
14. Simon Cowell to an AI Contestant: “Your performance was like a date w/ Paula - sweet, but forgettable.”
15. “Love is like handing someone a gun, having them point it at your heart, and trusting them to never pull the trigger.” - Michael Gardner
16. Grissom of CSI: “Success is never as sweet as when it’s accompanied by the failure of a friend….”
17. “Don’t get mad, get everything!” - Ivana Trump
18. From One Tree Hill, said by Peyton, Hilarie Burton’s character: “6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls; and sometimes, all you need is 1.”
19. “The good thing about being a pessimist, is that you’re either always proven right, or pleasantly surprised.”
20. Rachel after bumping her head somewhere, telling Monica: “If it’s not against a headboard, it’s not worth it.”
21. “Adversity causes some to break, others to break records.”
22. “When you fall out of love, and you still make a choice to love, that’s the beginning of true love.” - Bo Sanchez
23. “Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.” - Oprah Winfrey
24. “You’ll never know what you have until it’s gone, and once you lose it, you can never get it back…” - snatcher sa Quiapo
25. Erma Bombeck: “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares, why should you?”
26. - Overheard from a drunk in cebu: “I’d like to dedicate this song to myself. I hope I like it.”
27. Michael J. Fox: “One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can’t be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
28. We were preparing for a dinner party. Everyone had their own task. My young cousin from an exclusive high school for girls was tasked to slice onions and tomatoes. When she was done she proudly exclaimed: “Look o, ang cute ng hiwa ko!”
29. Bill Cosby: “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
30. Tom Stoppard: “Democracy is not in the voting, it’s in the counting.”
31. “I like dead end signs - they have the decency to let you know you’re going nowhere.”
32“The best thing to wear during sex, is a wedding ring.”
33. Imelda Marcos: “Never dress down for the poor, they won’t respect you for it. They want their First Lady to look like a million dollars.”
Friday, February 20, 2009
Grammatical Errors that gives you headache
A note from an inter-office memo: “Dear sir: w/ reference to my above, please refer to my below.”
Slogan of Sr. Pedro’s Lechon Manok: “Once tasted, always wanted.”
In a resort in Rizal: “Not allowed to swim: t-shirt & maong. Allowed to swim: sando & shorts.”
In Vietnam a sign in a resto says: “no pay, no delicious”.
“I’m chicken tired of you!” (dahil para akong manok?)
(from a listener)We were eating squid for dinner and I blurted out, “Guys, who wants my testicles?” (I meant tentacles)
Our boss: “Is Randy is there?”
“When it rains, it’s four!”
In a bus terminal near NAIA: “No outsider allowed inside!”
“So far, so good…so far.”
In our church, pastor Santos was very sick, but all of a sudden, he got better. So the whole church made a banner: “GOD is good. Pastor Santos is better!”
Street sign: “Dumb truck, no entry.”
My brod sa org told us about his English teacher in HS who said angrily: “Simple follow you cannot instruction, how can you graduation?”
Friend: “Wat dat?” Me: “Pare, lagyan mo ng ‘S’.” Friend: “Wat dats?”
We had a dept outing this weekend. The admin sent an email askng for our shoe sizes. It said: “Attendees will be receiving free fleep flaps.”
A boss asked one of his employees: “May I see you pretty soon?” The employee answerd: “Why, don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
In a restaurant I overheard a customer ask: “Do you have a specialty?” The waiter answered: “Sorry sir, we only have iced tea.”
Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko ang only Living Legend na buhay pa!”
During a beach outing, an officemate said, “Tara, let’s go sand-bathing!”
“Well, well, well, look do we have here!”
We once received a message from our scheduler: “I need the death certificates of the following employees: Dennis Cruz, Maryann Fernando, John Aquino.”
Overheard during a dance party. Man: “May I dance?” Woman: “Centerly!”
Taken from a guard’s log book: “Security supervisor visited my post and passed away after five minutes.”
“Ang sakit ng MIND GRAIN ko!”
When my assistant tells a client that she’ll give them feedback, she goes: “Ma’am I’ll feed you back nalang po.”
“Goats’ for sale” and “Goat,s for sale”.
“Keep that bear in mind.”
Actual stuff written in patients’ medical charts in a certain public hostpital: 1. “Discharge status: alive but without permission.” 2. “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” 3. “The patient refused autopsy.” 4. “She is numb from her toes down.”
“I don’t give a dumb!
A letter envelope w/o return address marked: “Guest who?”
When I was applying in a call center I heard the front desk ask one of the applicants: “Are you a walk-in applicant?” He answered: “No, I commute!”
“It’s my alma mother.”
“Once in a bloom.”
At a wedding: “Let’s give them a warm of applause!”
“I second emotion!”
“Ang sakit ng STEEP NECK ko!”
Sign in a tiangge selling bedroom items: “For sale: BED SHIT.”
A sign in a Korean store: “No chewing cum".
In cubao: “This lot not 4 sale. Call 0917…”
Slogan of Sr. Pedro’s Lechon Manok: “Once tasted, always wanted.”
In a resort in Rizal: “Not allowed to swim: t-shirt & maong. Allowed to swim: sando & shorts.”
In Vietnam a sign in a resto says: “no pay, no delicious”.
“I’m chicken tired of you!” (dahil para akong manok?)
(from a listener)We were eating squid for dinner and I blurted out, “Guys, who wants my testicles?” (I meant tentacles)
Our boss: “Is Randy is there?”
“When it rains, it’s four!”
In a bus terminal near NAIA: “No outsider allowed inside!”
“So far, so good…so far.”
In our church, pastor Santos was very sick, but all of a sudden, he got better. So the whole church made a banner: “GOD is good. Pastor Santos is better!”
Street sign: “Dumb truck, no entry.”
My brod sa org told us about his English teacher in HS who said angrily: “Simple follow you cannot instruction, how can you graduation?”
Friend: “Wat dat?” Me: “Pare, lagyan mo ng ‘S’.” Friend: “Wat dats?”
We had a dept outing this weekend. The admin sent an email askng for our shoe sizes. It said: “Attendees will be receiving free fleep flaps.”
A boss asked one of his employees: “May I see you pretty soon?” The employee answerd: “Why, don’t you think I’m pretty now?”
In a restaurant I overheard a customer ask: “Do you have a specialty?” The waiter answered: “Sorry sir, we only have iced tea.”
Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko ang only Living Legend na buhay pa!”
During a beach outing, an officemate said, “Tara, let’s go sand-bathing!”
“Well, well, well, look do we have here!”
We once received a message from our scheduler: “I need the death certificates of the following employees: Dennis Cruz, Maryann Fernando, John Aquino.”
Overheard during a dance party. Man: “May I dance?” Woman: “Centerly!”
Taken from a guard’s log book: “Security supervisor visited my post and passed away after five minutes.”
“Ang sakit ng MIND GRAIN ko!”
When my assistant tells a client that she’ll give them feedback, she goes: “Ma’am I’ll feed you back nalang po.”
“Goats’ for sale” and “Goat,s for sale”.
“Keep that bear in mind.”
Actual stuff written in patients’ medical charts in a certain public hostpital: 1. “Discharge status: alive but without permission.” 2. “She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.” 3. “The patient refused autopsy.” 4. “She is numb from her toes down.”
“I don’t give a dumb!
A letter envelope w/o return address marked: “Guest who?”
When I was applying in a call center I heard the front desk ask one of the applicants: “Are you a walk-in applicant?” He answered: “No, I commute!”
“It’s my alma mother.”
“Once in a bloom.”
At a wedding: “Let’s give them a warm of applause!”
“I second emotion!”
“Ang sakit ng STEEP NECK ko!”
Sign in a tiangge selling bedroom items: “For sale: BED SHIT.”
A sign in a Korean store: “No chewing cum".
In cubao: “This lot not 4 sale. Call 0917…”
Monday, February 16, 2009
Father at 13....
Shocking....this cute 13 year old boy, who is just 4 ft. tall, is the baby's father..he was 12 when he made the baby...
Read more about this on:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Funny Businessnames
A parlor in San Juan is named “Cut & Face”.
A wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: “Starduck”.
A fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: ‘”Violybee”
A small internet cafe opened among squatters named itself, “Cafe Pindot”.
In Manila, there’s a laundry named, “Summa Cum Laundry”.
A petshop in Ortigas that sells cats and dogs: “Pussies and Bitches”.
A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
Bakery: “Bread Pit”.
A bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
A restaurant in Pampanga named, “Mekeni Rogers”.
There’s a restaurant in Pasig named, “Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Marikina”.
A boxing gym: “Blow Jab”.
A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito Lapida”.
There’s a copy center in Sikatuna Village called, “Pakopya ni Edgar”.
There’s a beerhouse in Cavite called, “Chickpoint”.
A laundromat in our neighborhood sa may Sikatuna: “Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes”.
There’s an internet cafe in Taguig named, “n@kopi@”.
Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
A salon somewhere, “Curl Up And Dye”.
A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee”.
There’s a water refilling station in Dapitan named “Wa-Thirst”.
Along Sucat road, a store selling feeds for chickens: “Robocock”.
Shoe repair in Marikina: “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you”.
Petshop: “Petness First”
Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
A shrimp store: “Hipon Coming Back”
A gay lawyer’s extension office: “Nota Republic”.
Aceiling installer: “Kisame Street”.
A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day!”
An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
A fishball cart named, “Poke Poke”.
A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.
A bakery in our village: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
A resto along Mayon road in Manila: “May Lisa Eatery”.
Laundry: “Wash Your Problem”.
This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching”.
Ice cream parlor: “Dila Lang Ang Katapat”.
Chicharon store: “Chicha Hut”.
Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
A fishball cart along P. Campa st., near UST: “Eat My Balls”.
A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
A Resto: “The Last Supper”.
A goto resto: “Goto Ko Pa!”
My mom used to ride a bus for work. One day she saw a peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: “Mani ni Papa”.
A gym in Malolos: “Gaymann Fitness Center”.
My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
A Chinese restaurant in Pasig: “Lah-Fang”.
A store selling fresh chicken, owned by a woman named Dina: “Dina Fresh Chicken”.
An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S.: “The Master Baiter”.
“Trimonay Bakeshop”.
Salon: “Hair Dot Comb”.
A wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: “Starduck”.
A fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: ‘”Violybee”
A small internet cafe opened among squatters named itself, “Cafe Pindot”.
In Manila, there’s a laundry named, “Summa Cum Laundry”.
A petshop in Ortigas that sells cats and dogs: “Pussies and Bitches”.
A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
Bakery: “Bread Pit”.
A bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
A restaurant in Pampanga named, “Mekeni Rogers”.
There’s a restaurant in Pasig named, “Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Marikina”.
A boxing gym: “Blow Jab”.
A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito Lapida”.
There’s a copy center in Sikatuna Village called, “Pakopya ni Edgar”.
There’s a beerhouse in Cavite called, “Chickpoint”.
A laundromat in our neighborhood sa may Sikatuna: “Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes”.
There’s an internet cafe in Taguig named, “n@kopi@”.
Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
A salon somewhere, “Curl Up And Dye”.
A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee”.
There’s a water refilling station in Dapitan named “Wa-Thirst”.
Along Sucat road, a store selling feeds for chickens: “Robocock”.
Shoe repair in Marikina: “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
Shoe repair store along Commonwealth, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE, and even DYE for you”.
Petshop: “Petness First”
Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
A shrimp store: “Hipon Coming Back”
A gay lawyer’s extension office: “Nota Republic”.
Aceiling installer: “Kisame Street”.
A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day!”
An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
A fishball cart named, “Poke Poke”.
A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.
A bakery in our village: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
A resto along Mayon road in Manila: “May Lisa Eatery”.
Laundry: “Wash Your Problem”.
This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage only, God is watching”.
Ice cream parlor: “Dila Lang Ang Katapat”.
Chicharon store: “Chicha Hut”.
Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
A fishball cart along P. Campa st., near UST: “Eat My Balls”.
A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
A Resto: “The Last Supper”.
A goto resto: “Goto Ko Pa!”
My mom used to ride a bus for work. One day she saw a peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: “Mani ni Papa”.
A gym in Malolos: “Gaymann Fitness Center”.
My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
A Chinese restaurant in Pasig: “Lah-Fang”.
A store selling fresh chicken, owned by a woman named Dina: “Dina Fresh Chicken”.
An actual bait and tackle shop in U.S.: “The Master Baiter”.
“Trimonay Bakeshop”.
Salon: “Hair Dot Comb”.
Men vs Women Quotes
...for my friends: caleb, neil and chris...
1. Men pay 2 pesos for a 1-peso item that he needs. Women pay 1 peso for a 2-peso item that she doesnt need.
2. “The smarter the woman gets, the more difficult for her to find the right man.” - Oprah Winfrey.
3. Women have many faults, while men only have 2: Everything they say & everything they do.
4. A woman marries a man hoping he will change, but he never does. A man marries a woman hoping she won’t change, but she always does.
5. Dick van Dyke: “Men will never be as successful as women, because they have no wives to advise them.
6. Mark Twain: “Man was made at the end of the week’s work, when God was tired.
7. Women still remember their first kiss even after men have forgotten their last.
8. Edgard Watson Howe - One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
9. MAN: “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time.”
WOMAN: “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”
10. Men control the world, women control the men.
11. When it comes to sex, women need a reason while men need only a place.
12. Women are like guitars, you need to pluck the right strings. Men are like a pair of maracas, just shake and jiggle a lot and you’re making music together.
13. Men have the superpowers of both Lastikman & Iron Man: humahaba man, matigas pa rin na parang bakal.
14. 70 ways to make a man happy: number 1 is to LOVE him. The rest is 69.
15. The only price for having more than one wife is. . .having more than one Monster-in-law!
16. Girls are grown up once they start wearing bras. Boys are grown up once they start removing bras.
17. Men are like toilets: either they’re taken, out of order, or full of sh*t.
18. Women, regardless of time, when it’s the right guy, would want to get married. Men, on the other hand, regardless of who the girl is, when it’s the right time, would want to get married.
19. An English professor wrote “A woman w/o her man is nothing” He asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothng.” All females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
20. Men use love to get sex, while women use sex to get love.
21. The greatest revenge to a man who steals your woman is to let him have her…because a truly good woman can never be stolen.
22. In shopping: Man would buy a useful thing for P1000. Woman would buy a useless thing for P500.
21. Lucky is the man who wins the 1st love of a woman. Luckier is the woman who wins the last love of a man.
22. My boss: “Ako ang batas, si misis ang diyos.”
23. Wise men never get married because once they do, they become otherwise.
24. Men are like government bonds. They take sooo long to mature.
25. Madonna in the movie “Dangerous Game”: “Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
1. Men pay 2 pesos for a 1-peso item that he needs. Women pay 1 peso for a 2-peso item that she doesnt need.
2. “The smarter the woman gets, the more difficult for her to find the right man.” - Oprah Winfrey.
3. Women have many faults, while men only have 2: Everything they say & everything they do.
4. A woman marries a man hoping he will change, but he never does. A man marries a woman hoping she won’t change, but she always does.
5. Dick van Dyke: “Men will never be as successful as women, because they have no wives to advise them.
6. Mark Twain: “Man was made at the end of the week’s work, when God was tired.
7. Women still remember their first kiss even after men have forgotten their last.
8. Edgard Watson Howe - One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
9. MAN: “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time.”
WOMAN: “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!”
10. Men control the world, women control the men.
11. When it comes to sex, women need a reason while men need only a place.
12. Women are like guitars, you need to pluck the right strings. Men are like a pair of maracas, just shake and jiggle a lot and you’re making music together.
13. Men have the superpowers of both Lastikman & Iron Man: humahaba man, matigas pa rin na parang bakal.
14. 70 ways to make a man happy: number 1 is to LOVE him. The rest is 69.
15. The only price for having more than one wife is. . .having more than one Monster-in-law!
16. Girls are grown up once they start wearing bras. Boys are grown up once they start removing bras.
17. Men are like toilets: either they’re taken, out of order, or full of sh*t.
18. Women, regardless of time, when it’s the right guy, would want to get married. Men, on the other hand, regardless of who the girl is, when it’s the right time, would want to get married.
19. An English professor wrote “A woman w/o her man is nothing” He asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All males in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothng.” All females in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
20. Men use love to get sex, while women use sex to get love.
21. The greatest revenge to a man who steals your woman is to let him have her…because a truly good woman can never be stolen.
22. In shopping: Man would buy a useful thing for P1000. Woman would buy a useless thing for P500.
21. Lucky is the man who wins the 1st love of a woman. Luckier is the woman who wins the last love of a man.
22. My boss: “Ako ang batas, si misis ang diyos.”
23. Wise men never get married because once they do, they become otherwise.
24. Men are like government bonds. They take sooo long to mature.
25. Madonna in the movie “Dangerous Game”: “Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Translations of Movie Titles
I get a daily dose of chico and delamar's daily top 10 almost, and the the listeners' entries never fail to crack me up...
The Top Ten Translations of Movie Titles
1. “Dead Man’s Chest” = “Dodo ng Patay”
2. “Never Been Kissed” = “Pangit Kasi”
3. “Lord of the Rings” = “Panginoon ng Pawnshop”
4. “8 mm.” = “Ang Sa Asawa Ko”
5. “There’s Something About Mary” = “May Tulo Si Maria”
6. “The Constant Gardener” = “Ang Kabit Ni Ma’am”
7. “Memoirs of a Geisha” = “Naalala Niyang Gay Siya”
8. “Romeo & Juliet” = “Si Romeo, Kapag Gabi, Juliet”
9. “Close Encounters Of The Third Kind” = “Natikman Na Ng Bading”
10. “Elf” = “Ang Pangulo”
11. “Big Fish” = “Tilapia ni Trining”
12. “Reality Bites” = “Pag Pangit, Pangit!”
13. “The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” = “Tinira ni Bobby si Jesse sa Likod”
14. “Scream” = “Sorbetes”
15. “There Will Be Blood” = “Mens”
16. “Ants in the Pants” = “Itlog na Matamis”
17. “A Walk To Remember” = “Ang Naglalakad ng Matulin, sa C.R. may Pasasabugin”
18. “The Next Best Thing” = “Kamay”
19. ”Die Hard” = “Namatay ng Matigas”
20. “How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days” = “Huwag Maghugas”
21. “Bring It On” = “Ipasok Mo Na”
22. “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” = “Bukol, Yan Ang Itawag Mo Sa Akin”
23. “The Thin Red Line” = “Ang Maselang Bahagi ng Babae”
24. “A Few Good Men” = “Puro Bading, Puro Bading!”
25. “Chocolat” = “Chocnut”
26. “Forces of Nature” = “Pala-utot”
27. “Monster’s Ball” = “Ang Nag-iisang Betlog Ni Koya”
28. “The Fast and the Furious” = “Si Mister at si Misis”
29. “The Sound of Music” = “Ang Tunog Ng Puwet Ko”
30. “I Know What You Did Last Summer” = “Nagpatuli Ka Noh?”
31. “Borat” = “Manoy”
32. “That Thing You Do” = “Kwan-in Mo Uli Ako!”
33. “Cloverfield” = “Chichirya sa Palayan”
34. “Lost in Translation” = “Uhm…”
35. “Annie Hall” = “Butas ni Annie”
36. “Scent of a Woman” = “Patis”
37. “Kill Bill” = “Isang Kilong Bilbil”
38. “Failure to Launch” - “Ayaw Tumigas”
39. “Halimaw sa Banga” = “Oscar the Grouch”
40. “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” = “Tinrangkaso Matapos Mangitlog”
41. “Little Miss Sunshine” = “Anak Araw”
42. “The Last Samurai = “Ang Huling Siomai”
43. “Sleepless In Seattle” = “Di Makatulog sa FX”
44. “Beauty and the Beast” = “Ako at Ikaw”
45. “Juno” = “Alam Mo Na?”
46. “10,000 B.C.” = “Birthday ni Madam Auring
The Top Ten Translations of Movie Titles
1. “Dead Man’s Chest” = “Dodo ng Patay”
2. “Never Been Kissed” = “Pangit Kasi”
3. “Lord of the Rings” = “Panginoon ng Pawnshop”
4. “8 mm.” = “Ang Sa Asawa Ko”
5. “There’s Something About Mary” = “May Tulo Si Maria”
6. “The Constant Gardener” = “Ang Kabit Ni Ma’am”
7. “Memoirs of a Geisha” = “Naalala Niyang Gay Siya”
8. “Romeo & Juliet” = “Si Romeo, Kapag Gabi, Juliet”
9. “Close Encounters Of The Third Kind” = “Natikman Na Ng Bading”
10. “Elf” = “Ang Pangulo”
11. “Big Fish” = “Tilapia ni Trining”
12. “Reality Bites” = “Pag Pangit, Pangit!”
13. “The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” = “Tinira ni Bobby si Jesse sa Likod”
14. “Scream” = “Sorbetes”
15. “There Will Be Blood” = “Mens”
16. “Ants in the Pants” = “Itlog na Matamis”
17. “A Walk To Remember” = “Ang Naglalakad ng Matulin, sa C.R. may Pasasabugin”
18. “The Next Best Thing” = “Kamay”
19. ”Die Hard” = “Namatay ng Matigas”
20. “How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days” = “Huwag Maghugas”
21. “Bring It On” = “Ipasok Mo Na”
22. “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” = “Bukol, Yan Ang Itawag Mo Sa Akin”
23. “The Thin Red Line” = “Ang Maselang Bahagi ng Babae”
24. “A Few Good Men” = “Puro Bading, Puro Bading!”
25. “Chocolat” = “Chocnut”
26. “Forces of Nature” = “Pala-utot”
27. “Monster’s Ball” = “Ang Nag-iisang Betlog Ni Koya”
28. “The Fast and the Furious” = “Si Mister at si Misis”
29. “The Sound of Music” = “Ang Tunog Ng Puwet Ko”
30. “I Know What You Did Last Summer” = “Nagpatuli Ka Noh?”
31. “Borat” = “Manoy”
32. “That Thing You Do” = “Kwan-in Mo Uli Ako!”
33. “Cloverfield” = “Chichirya sa Palayan”
34. “Lost in Translation” = “Uhm…”
35. “Annie Hall” = “Butas ni Annie”
36. “Scent of a Woman” = “Patis”
37. “Kill Bill” = “Isang Kilong Bilbil”
38. “Failure to Launch” - “Ayaw Tumigas”
39. “Halimaw sa Banga” = “Oscar the Grouch”
40. “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” = “Tinrangkaso Matapos Mangitlog”
41. “Little Miss Sunshine” = “Anak Araw”
42. “The Last Samurai = “Ang Huling Siomai”
43. “Sleepless In Seattle” = “Di Makatulog sa FX”
44. “Beauty and the Beast” = “Ako at Ikaw”
45. “Juno” = “Alam Mo Na?”
46. “10,000 B.C.” = “Birthday ni Madam Auring
Monday, January 26, 2009
Single Ladies...
I would like to see Jane, Zea and Lhyn do a dance number like this...Panalo!!!
Or would you prefer justin timberlake's version?...
Or would you prefer justin timberlake's version?...
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten
- an excerpt from the book, All I Really Need To Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum
ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate-school mountain, but there in the sandpile at Sunday School.
These are the things I learned:
Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life - learn some and think someand draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.
Remember the little seed in the styrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggestword of all - LOOK.
Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living. Take any of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government oryour world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down withour blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.
And it is still true, no matter how old youare - when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Awesome, awesome God!
A week before the prayer and fasting at our church, I was so excited preparing myself physically for this. It would be my first time to join and I made sure that I wrote down all my faith goals, specific prayer requests and specific questions that I pray God would answer. I cannot describe the feeling I had during the first night when all of us gathered at UP Film Institute, not a hint of anxiety, impatience or annoyance were felt and seen on the people's faces. I had goose bumps all over as we praise and worship our Lord God. I felt a tears coming out my eyes as I sang Magnificent God. As if someone whispered, "this will be a great year for all of us". In the midst of economic crisis, I believe that this will definitely be a good year for all of us.
It's God's will for all of us to experience breakthrough and victory in our lives...and I am ready to accomplish greater things for God this year!
My faith goals consist mostly of selfish prayers...financial, career...for myself, my family and friends...and I believe that God will answer, God will give...and even if I don't see the answers right away, I will persevere...
I remember, during our small group discussion...one was in awe as she checked her faith goals last year, and God answered all of them...and I remember one telling us "Do not underestimate the power of God". All that we find impossible, will be made possible only by our God Almighty.
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer"
(Matthew 21:22)
It's God's will for all of us to experience breakthrough and victory in our lives...and I am ready to accomplish greater things for God this year!
My faith goals consist mostly of selfish prayers...financial, career...for myself, my family and friends...and I believe that God will answer, God will give...and even if I don't see the answers right away, I will persevere...
I remember, during our small group discussion...one was in awe as she checked her faith goals last year, and God answered all of them...and I remember one telling us "Do not underestimate the power of God". All that we find impossible, will be made possible only by our God Almighty.
"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer"
(Matthew 21:22)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Totally Notebooked...
I have watched the dvd several times, and I never get tired of it....
The line: ""I want you. I want all of you. Forever. You and me. Everyday..."! ahh!!Always gets me.
The fight scene is my favorite
Allie: Look, we're already fighting!
Noah: Well that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when i'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass, which you are... 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate and your back doing the next pain in the ass thing!
LOL...I love that
The line: ""I want you. I want all of you. Forever. You and me. Everyday..."! ahh!!Always gets me.
The fight scene is my favorite
Allie: Look, we're already fighting!
Noah: Well that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when i'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and i tell you when you're being a pain in the ass, which you are... 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate and your back doing the next pain in the ass thing!
LOL...I love that
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Happy New Year!
...still in a holiday mode...I still have 5 days before I start working again, full blast.... I decided to list down my new year's resolutions so I can keep track of my yearly progress...
1.) Read and memorize one verse from the Bible every week.
2.) Learn a new word everyday.
3.) Reply to text messages asap...or i'll be more masipag to text.
4.) Drink more water/fresh fruit juices and eat more healthy.
5.) Read more often, i'll start and finish with one book a month.
6.) Pay my bills before the due date.
7.) Have at least 6 hours of sleep everyday.
8.) Cook more... and make myself a decent meal.
9.) Save more.
10.) Keep my tithes.
11.) To travel more...while I still can.
12.) Refrain from using plastic bags.
13.) Recycle...recycle...recycle
14.) Learn to say NO.
15.) Pay it forward.
16.) Be always on time for work and appointments.
17.) Laugh more.
18.) Pray more.
19.) Only make promises that I know I can keep.
20.) Be worry free the whole year.
21.) Get the courage to drive again...on my own na talaga
22.) Go to concerts and musicals more often.
23.) Stay more in touch with my dad, mom, babs and kwatts.
24.) Have more time to grant wishes for MAWF beneficiaries, and visit the kids of Kythe and Virlanie.
25.) I'll get into at least one sport this year.
I will create more positive memories this year...
1.) Read and memorize one verse from the Bible every week.
2.) Learn a new word everyday.
3.) Reply to text messages asap...or i'll be more masipag to text.
4.) Drink more water/fresh fruit juices and eat more healthy.
5.) Read more often, i'll start and finish with one book a month.
6.) Pay my bills before the due date.
7.) Have at least 6 hours of sleep everyday.
8.) Cook more... and make myself a decent meal.
9.) Save more.
10.) Keep my tithes.
11.) To travel more...while I still can.
12.) Refrain from using plastic bags.
13.) Recycle...recycle...recycle
14.) Learn to say NO.
15.) Pay it forward.
16.) Be always on time for work and appointments.
17.) Laugh more.
18.) Pray more.
19.) Only make promises that I know I can keep.
20.) Be worry free the whole year.
21.) Get the courage to drive again...on my own na talaga
22.) Go to concerts and musicals more often.
23.) Stay more in touch with my dad, mom, babs and kwatts.
24.) Have more time to grant wishes for MAWF beneficiaries, and visit the kids of Kythe and Virlanie.
25.) I'll get into at least one sport this year.
I will create more positive memories this year...
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